These are common Google search terms from visitors.

Can the web help students who, when school is making them feel suicidal, turn to Google for support?

I must see five or ten Google search hits like the above each week from students. What advice would you give? Do counselors help? Parents? Teachers? Organizations? Preachers or secular social workers? Early graduation/GED? Home-schooling? Books? Poems? Films? Songs?

Perhaps better: Do you have any success stories or experiential advice to share? 

2 Comments

• At October 14, 2008, Paul C wrote:

  I once had parents who complained that the literature in class was too depressing. Their son suffered from bouts of depression. Was Romeo and Juliet appropriate for study for impressionable Grade 10 students?

  I told the parents that the play is a celebration of life, not death.

  We confronted the issue of suicide in the play with an emphasis upon the life affirming elements.

  Paul Cs last blog post..Colin Oberst: 'Canadian Gold' Musician

• At October 15, 2008, avoiceinthewilderness wrote:

  I've read this post a couple of times now. Each time, I think about adding a comment and then I change my mind because it is such a complex issue. On the one hand, we have all had to deal with depression among teenagers, and I could give some clinical answer, of what I have done or been instructed to do.

  Yet, the fact of the matter is that for many kids, school is depressing.

  I hate the way we school our children, I really do. I hate the fact that our schools are like warehouses of children who are forced together because they were born during the same year.

  The model that we use breeds a herd mentality and a Darwinian Survival of the Fittest.

  It's a nightmare for a sensitive child. Some teachers work very hard to create a nurturing environment, but many are caught up in the herd themselves.

  It is definitely not the way to create thoughtful, creative individuals- in fact those very traits are the ones that can torture children who try to express some kind of individuality in a system designed to breed conformity.

  avoiceinthewildernesss last blog post..Important Clarification

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1. My Suicidal High School Years: A Happy-Ending Bullying Story
2. Planning the Next Shift: 1:1 Laptop School?
3. Nine Minutes Making Me Want a Different Teaching Future
4. Fine-tuning the “Cutting the Crap” Movie-Making Tutorials

Nocturne: Moon, Bird, Wire

I feel a need to pull back from the tools, and gravitate more toward meaning when I write.
–Web Legacies Wrap-Up, 9 Aug 2008

The Jocks and Fags personal narrative was meaningful for me. In its original context – written for a class whose professor read it, penned a glowing comment on the bottom of the last page, and gave it back to me – it was only meaningful for one other person besides me. And since it was nothing more than enjoyable homework grading for her, it’s hard to characterize that essay’s meaning for her as anything more than a pleasant diversion.

In its changed context – published a couple of weeks ago here, after a good four years of mouldering in a box stuffed with other orphaned writings – the character of its meaningfulness changed as well. It had different readers, reading it for different purposes. Especially the readers who found it because they searched for such stories on Google.

And look at how what was once homework that did nothing became, through the power of this new medium, a story that did something. The comments to that post tell the tale:

Barry Bachenheimer wants that post to do something at his school district half a world away in New Jersey, and I can only hope it will:

Clay – Our district has set a summer administrative discussion topic on the “At Risk Student”that we don’t know about.”  I’m sharing this piece with them, as it is illustrative of a larger issue in our schools as a whole.

Thanks for sharing.

Phil seems to want something similar in his context:

We all need to try to save one child, one day at a time. I too will share this with my teaching colleagues.

But look what happens next:

I was searching for something to help me out with my son. He is going into the 7th grade at a Parochial school and having some serious problems on his football team with kids he knew back when he went to public school. They gang up on him, tease him and generally make him feel like he is worthless. The problem is, he loves football. He has to play with these kids if he wants to play, as it is the only league in our area. He has a couple of friends from his current school, but they are now starting to avoid him due to the disease the other kids are causing. His coach is also starting to pretend he doesn’t exist, because it is hard to put forth an effort when you are teased incessantly, and the coach ignores everything. The issue is, he really is a great player. Please help, if you have any ideas.

I replied to JJ the way I expect most people would:

It’s hard to help from across the Pacific, and situations like this are tough anyway, with no easy solutions.

And I’m no therapist.

Obvious options, none guaranteed, are:

1. Parents talk to school admin/coach.
2. Parents involve kid in discussion of how to solve the problem. There’s a life lesson here.
3. Kid stands up against main persecutors, and fights back.

I wish I could help more. But the point of my post is, growth can come from this stuff. It’s just not visible in the short-term.

Then meaning seemed to create change:

JJ wrote back,

Thanks so much for your advice. We have since talked to the coach and another administrator. The coach acted fairly unconcerned, but the admin. was quite helpful. We found out that others were having problems with these same kids! They are splitting the team and he assured us the “bully” kids would be on a different team. Your story really helped us out. I read it to my son. He felt like he wasn’t alone. He felt a sort of relief, I could hear it in his voice.

So anyway, they are splitting the teams in a few days. My son, after reading your story sacked the QB (main perp) at least 4 times last practice. The coaches cheered, the “bully” kids protested, and my son’s friends are all acting normal again. I don’t think it is over yet, but it is getting better. I want to thank you again. God/Goddess Bless You, Namaste’ … and a heartfelt hug across the Pacific.

What I’m about to say is another reader’s Rorschach Test. Sour types will roll their eyes and see this as self-congratulation, but types with purer eyes should understand:

Reading JJ’s story of the boy reading my “homework-cum-public-speech-act” was, in a quiet way, a high point in my writing life.

It fulfilled the hope of that essay‘s final paragraph -

And he will come to understand, late one night in Spain while writing a story about a boy, that he owes it to that boy to always watch over the new student, and the one who doesn’t fit because he is too pretty or she is too large, and the one who doesn’t fight, and the one who doesn’t know how the present shapes the future. And he will try to help them learn what he was never taught.

- but it fulfilled it in a way unimagined when that essay was written, because I didn’t self-publish then. I could only think of my very circumscribed, fourth-floor-of the-schoolhouse and only-during-teacher-hours sphere of influence when I wrote that. But now, again, due to the change of context effected by the rabbit hole of this writing revolution we demean with the vile term, “blogging,” a piece I poured my heart into years ago was now pouring into someone else who needed the reading, because he was now going through something I went through three decades ago.

Insert your graphic of space-time warps here, and color it a warm red.

Coda:

It all brings me back to the power of this new medium. I tire of hearing people call it “transformative,” but I can’t find a better word.

I can find an analogy, though:  Superstitious people read everything from tea-leaves to stars to Tarot cards and whacked-out books of Revelation to try to discern their futures. I’m not superstitious, and don’t need to be to say this:  “Blogging” – which really just means daily writing – has, for me, often approached the level of prophecy, in very personal terms, that I have again and again self-fulfilled.  Does it make it clearer by describing it as an act, when done at a certain depth, of writing one’s own future?

No superstitious woo-woo stuff is implied here. There’s a logic and causal explanation that we can very simply label a “reflective habit” – or maybe, to put it in Buddhist terms,  a “mindfulness” – that daily writing produces. That sort of habit surely works wonders with mere pen and paper, but those wonders multiply, as the story of JJ’s son shows, when they are shared.

Key examples of “writing my  future” on this space: I wrote my quitting school-teaching six months before I did it.  I wrote of launching a global student blog six months before I did that. The writing preceded the doing.

And key examples of the effects of this “quantum” online context:  Will’s snatching my off-hand paragraph about quitting teaching, and the discourse that swirled around that on both our spaces, and 500 good people around the world on Twitter lending their sinews to the Students 2.0 launch in an astonishing two hours one Seoul Saturday morning – that context, with its unpredictable and often wild instant feedback, has its own fateful force. It is the world taking notice of one small person’s words, and that notice, again, can transform.

And I am simply blown away.

To JJ’s son, I’ll just share that I wrote this other little thing, too, a few months ago, and his story connects to that piece of writing in ways I hadn’t imagined when I wrote it.  It went like this:

More and more I wonder: is school a good place for teachers who want to make a difference in the lives of their students, and to the future of the world? Is there a way to leave the daily farce of gradebooks, attendance sheets, tests, corporate and statist curriculum, homework assignments, grade-licking college careerist “students” (and parents), fear of parents and administrators, and fear of inconvenient socio-political truths – and at the same time, to make a far more meaningful impact on the lives of the young?

I’m thinking yes. I’m thinking, moreover, obviously. I’m not sure how much longer I want to work for schools. I’d so much rather teach. [Emphasis added]

So again, to JJ’s son, I hope I’m not wrong in seeing “blogging” as a way to continue teaching without working for schools, and to contribute to learning in a way other than, and more meaningful than, grades.

And I would love to hear updates from you, if you’re ever so inclined.

And to everybody else: Half of what I do, I realize, is with an expectation that when something worthwhile is modeled, others will learn that they can do it too – and will do so.  I’d hoped to see more momentum for student voice after showing that (the currently beleaguered) Students 2.0 was both possible and easy. If that momentum has happened, I’m unaware of it, and will thank anybody who chimes in with other examples of the elevation of student voice in our adult-centered discourse.

And now this personal narrative instead of edublogging thing, this pull to the meaningful instead of the technological: I’m sharing the above not only because I love the story, but also because I hope others might consider a similar pull. (Diane Cordell already does this wonderfully, by the way.)

And now I sound preachy, so I’ll close by having a nice warm cup of shut-the-heck-up.  Thanks for reading.

–

(Beautiful) photo by *L*u*z*a*

9 Comments

• At August 14, 2008, John Larkin wrote:

  Hi Clay

  Mindfulness is an apt way to describe the process. Awareness. There is something in our brains or head that is quite primordial. It seemingly kicks in when we couch or articulate a question on something that has preoccupied us and the answer becomes apparent, sometimes before we finish answering the question. I sometimes think blogging works in the same way. We articulate, we answer, we model.

  Cheers, John.

• At August 14, 2008, Jonathan Chambers wrote:

  Clay, I particularly enjoyed your focus on writing as (self-fulfilling) prophecy in this piece. I believe in the power of articulating personal vision - once we sketch out a path or a destination the 'correct' choices to reach those goals tend to become easier to identify and act upon.

  So I'm going to bounce off some of your concepts of personal narrative, and particularly of "writing one's own future" when I meet my students this coming year. I'll let you know how it goes, but as with some work that goes a little deeper, the most significant results won't be assessed on a rubric, but will hopefully be burning their way into students' personal beliefs and identities.

  Thanks for more writing to act on, Clay.

• At August 15, 2008, Kate Tabor wrote:

  A wonderful yoga teacher that I know suggests that there are two wings on which the thoughtful practice of yoga soars: rigor and surrender. To be both mindful and rigorous in practice but also to allow surrender to the winds of the day, to the energy, to the way it is.

  Since this advice came to me I see it as the secret to my teaching and writing practice as well. To respond with mindfulness and rigorous pratice but to surrender to what you call the "context, with its unpredictable and often wild instant feedback, ...its own fateful force." The classroom, the blog, the day.

  Your personal narrative assignment would be a welcome part of my Memoir class for seniors this fall. Teaching "The Time Traveler's Wife" a colleague asked students to write the narrative of meeting their younger self. What would you say to yourself if time allowed you to do so?

  Thanks, as always.

  Kate Tabors last blog post..Writing and Revision - to Re-see

• At August 15, 2008, Bill Fitzgerald wrote:

  Hello, Clay,

  When people talk about how blogging is different than more traditional means of publishing, I will point them to this piece.

  An amazing job of bringing these pieces together.

• At August 15, 2008, Clay Burell wrote:

  @John, Dammit man, I'm going to replace my long-winded struggle to articulate it all with your typically terse and cogent re-statement. Dammit, man, dammit. ;-)

  @Jonathan, Good luck with it. I tried something similar last year with my "visionary classroom blogging" project for my seniors, and hit a brick wall. They didn't want to seek meaning in school and writing; they'd already learned writing was something they had to do, instead of wanted to do. There were a couple of exceptions, but not many.

  I think a creative writing or college course might have more success than an academic one. But I said all that in the "For the Roses" piece.

  I'd really love to hear any more successful approaches you discover. We know the magic. It's the entry and door-opening that are hard.

  @Kate, I love the time-travel/dialogues w/your younger self idea. Hope you report on it if you try it.

  @Bill, Thanks for that. I almost want to take another stab at a shorter version. I get the feeling my length is typically too long for most readers' attention spans these days. A Twitter syndrome? If so, it's a shame, because I really think what's seen in this post is worth reflection. I'm so tired of tool-talk.

• At August 17, 2008, diane wrote:

  Once again you've challenged me to examine and redefine myself. It's difficult to know when introspection becomes self-absorption. If we patch together all of our meanings into a crazy quilt of life and learning, what a masterpiece we'll create!

  dianes last blog post..Kaleidoscope

• At August 21, 2008, Tracy Rosen wrote:

  Yes, yes, oh, and yes.

  Blogging is transformative, mindful, even magical - much in the way you storied and John summarized.

  When we put things in writing they can become true - especially when others read it. It spreads.

  Tracy Rosens last blog post..What it takes.

• At August 28, 2008, katiramom's blogs Bookmarks on Delicious wrote:

  [...] On the Meaningful, in Quantum Contexts | Beyond School SAVE [...]

• At August 30, 2008, Mark wrote:

  clay...

  although i have great difficulty just reflecting (let alone writing) about the present and past... i connect with the fact of multiple things that we as humans read... world literacy has been achieved!!

  as for writing your own future, i alluded to similar ideas in my post on my infatuation with stories other than mine... but if i master telling my own story i think i would quite enjoy it...

  and sorry for the delay in posting your comments on my blog... having spam trouble.

  thanks.

Related posts:

1. Meaningful Meme: Your “Bullied Then, Successful Now” Stories
2. Meaningful Meming: Tagging My Student-Blogger "Successes"
3. Quantum Shifts Happening? Students and Administrators Driving
4. Wrapping Up the “Web Legacies”: Reflection and New Directions

Web Legacies Audience

1. Why I Like the Assignment

Again, this series was originally assigned by Dr. Tonya Huber, for a multi-culturalism in education class I took in Mallorca, Spain, five or six summers back. It was an intensely engaging project, so let me summarize the process for anybody interested in the pedagogy:

1. Select any personal belonging as an “artifact” of who you are – or were.
2. Write about it in the personal narrative genre, but connect it in some way to teaching and/or learning.
3. Identify key factors of culture represented by your artifact, and the experience for which it is an emblem. Touch upon those when you write.

That’s about it.  Though not part of the assignment, my own decision to select “artifacts” from early childhood to all later stages of my life made the assignment much richer.  At the end of the ten pieces I wrote over eight weeks (and I decided against publishing the last two here because they seemed sub-par), I’d sketched out a series of memoirs that formed a skeletal autobiography.  It’s not every class that affords an opportunity to write your entire life.  And this is why, I think, those papers didn’t suffer the fate of most of my college writings, which I’d never dream of inflicting upon general readers.  This assignment was different; it didn’t suffer from . . . what’s the word? . . . oh yes: schooliness.

2. How It Felt to Write Personal Narrative Instead of Edu-Stuff

Crickets aside, I have to admit it felt good. It raises an interesting dilemma for a guy who feels a bit cramped by the “edublogger” pigeonhole: Deliver what the imagined audience expects, or what the writer feels like writing?  Just writing that opposition makes the dilemma less interesting by far: it’s a no-brainer, isn’t it?  As soon as I begin writing for someone else, I lose the essence of writing.  So I suspect there will be more of these tangents in the future, and let the readers fall where they may.

Because I have to say:  More and more, I feel like we get the technology and 21st century skills thing, and it’s threatening to become old hat.  In a nutshell, with 30,000 or so new applications in development as we speak – and the number will surely only grow – it seems a fool’s errand to try to grab at them all. Further, all our tools seem reducible to a few modes  (visual, textual, aural, kinesthetic), and a few skills (reading, writing, speaking, listening, and info-finding, -evaluating, and -managing).  More and more I wonder if a few tools for each of these purposes aren’t easy enough to find at will, or simpler still, if most of us don’t already have a sufficient number in our tool-belts.  I feel like I do, anyway, at least somewhat.  And I feel a pull to pull back from the tools, and gravitate more toward meaning when I write.

I’m really much more interested in thinking critically about cultural factors that retard education than I am about tools that, used retardedly, enable us to learn conventional unwisdoms more efficiently. In other words, I want to fight the idols of the mind that we worship instead of question. Since I’ve quit education school-teaching and won’t work for schools again, I can speak the unspoken without fearing for my livelihood – which is the only explanation I can find for the deafening silences in educational weblogs about such idols as religion, patriotism, consumerism, workaholism, and the educational system itself.  It seems to me that “21st Century Education” needs to question ideologies from the Hebrews and Romans to the Cold War far more than it needs to teach the uses of Twitter.

Still, I do use technology when I teach – have been using it in new ways over the last two weeks in my freelance teaching, in fact – so I’m sure I’ll share the occasional item about tech from time to time.  But be warned: I have a box of old journals from the past 30 years. I suspect they’ll be fodder for more Web Legacies, more reflections of my history, and the roles of education and ideas in that history.

3. A Few Take-Aways I Offer from This Series

If you hadn’t noticed, I revealed in these posts that I was a pot-smoking, school-skipping, low-achieving high school student. For those of you who think punitively, that’s cause for suspension and a “bad boy” label. If you got nothing else out of reading this, just notice that that behavior was a mechanism for dealing with the hell that was life incarcerated in a public high school institution.  If I’d had the choice to escape the two-years’ bullying by simply absenting myself from that environment, I quite likely would have felt little need for the pleasures of sedation brought by that weed. (It’s also interesting to note that the popular kids were all heavy drinkers, but that was somehow morally less scandalous than smoking marijuana, though to this day I don’t get the double-standard. I’ve always argued that “stoned drivers” at worst are a hazard because they drive a little too slow, as opposed to your daredevil drunk drivers. And rarely do you find a belligerent stoner getting in your face and wanting to fight, the way our worst drunks do. Instead, you get a giggler or navel-gazer, who I’ll take, if forced to choose, every time.)

You also might notice that the only hero in the bad high school years was a closeted gay athlete. Yet another “bad sinner” to punish or, goodness help us, “convert” – or good young man to understand.  Your choice.

I also revealed that I became an above average language user during my teens not by doing homework or assigned readings – I rarely did either, though it was easy enough to get that “A” on that Iliad paper by writing an essay on the Classics Illustrated Comics version of the epic – and that my literacy grew instead by reading (stolen) comic books and sci-fi/fantasy – and later, after high school, literature – with my friends, outside of school. So again, I’m left questioning the value of mandatory high school. I still lean toward the position that it retards growth, rather than accelerating it.

That’s about it for now. Finally:

4. Links to the Entire Web Legacies Series

1. Fear and Trembling at Camp Joy: Unborn Again
2. The Hulk Leads to Hamlet: Reading Despite Teaching
3. Of Jocks and Fags: The High School Bullying Years
4. In the Crumbling Temple of the Dead White Males: The Beatnik College Years, pt. 1
5. Human Sacrifice: The Academic College Years, pt. 2
6. Learning the Enemy’s Language: The Army Years, part 1
7. Teaching Killing: The Army Years, part 2
8. Stereotyping Soldier-Students: The “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” Classroom

–

Photo credit: bramblejungle

11 Comments

• At August 9, 2008, Harold Jarche wrote:

  "In other words, I want to fight the idols of the mind that we worship instead of question." Could you imagine if schools only focused on one cognitive skill - critical thinking? You could still cover a myriad of topics, without the constraints of subject mastery. No matter what the subject, it's just grist for the cognitive mill (stole that line from Kieran Egan). If the mill can't process the stuff, it's of no use.

  Harold Jarches last blog post..Blogs and social media for beginners

• At August 9, 2008, Clay Burell wrote:

  @Harold, That's so sane it's radical.

• At August 9, 2008, Paul C wrote:

  'So again, I’m left questioning the value of mandatory high school. I still lean toward the position that it retards growth, rather than accelerating it.'

  Summerhill school in England has the motto: 'where kids have freedom to be themselves.' They have a great site to see how essential decisions about their education rests with them. Spend some time at: http://www.summerhillschool.co.uk/

  Thanks for your Web Legacy Series; great introspective writing!

  Paul Cs last blog post..Unleashing a Child's Creativity

• At August 9, 2008, Paul C wrote:

  'So again, I’m left questioning the value of mandatory high school. I still lean toward the position that it retards growth, rather than accelerating it.'

  For some, I think you are right. But for others depending upon the program and teachers, of course, it can lead to empowerment, to finding one strengths, and life long interests. Shaping a program to fit every student would be the ideal.

  Summerhill is an interesting school in England which addresses the genuine interests of all its students. Their motto:where students are free to be themselves. It's worth taking a look at their website:

  http://www.summerhillschool.co.uk/

  Enjoyed your 'web legacies' series very much.

  Paul Cs last blog post..Unleashing a Child's Creativity

• At August 9, 2008, Nate Stearns wrote:

  Thinks for sharing your ideas. It felt very English-teachery with all of the narratives and reflection. It's a great way to start thinking about school next year.

  I've always thought it was interesting that you think that teachers don't comment on "such idols as religion, patriotism, consumerism, workaholism, and the educational system itself." My readings have suggested that if there was really a common thread on those topics it would be a pretty liberal, skeptical take on most of what you listed. How often do you read an edublogger saying, "Hey, American schools don't do a good enough job in persuading kids to love their country." It's possible that the great mass of edublogs are in this vein--but my RSS feed is missing them.

  We teachers tend to be (but aren't always) garden-variety liberals (so am I) and your viewpoints seem to be reasonably similar but perhaps taken a bit farther. Is that fair to say?

• At August 10, 2008, Clay Burell wrote:

  @Paul, I agree that schools work for some (though perhaps no school would work for them as well?), and I share your interest in schools like Summerhill and Sudbury. I'm hoping to focus on them in depth in this space soon, and satisfy that curiosity.

  @Nate, I can't say I'm aware of many e'bloggers that address the flag and the cross with anywhere near the levels of skepticism (or outright debunking) that they could receive. School reform in terms of technology, pedagogy, and so forth? Yes, we read a lot about that around here. But the sacred cows are rarely spitted for a bar-b-que. Or am I unaware of some feeds in your reader?

  (BTW, "loving your country" is nothing objectionable, in my book. But jingoism and American exceptionalism are. That's what I had in mind with the "patriotism" reference.)

• At August 13, 2008, Legacy 9: On Traveling Blind (or, “The Reproductive Life of Stereotypes”) | Beyond School wrote:

  [...] my Web Legacies Wrap-Up post, I said I'd decided against publishing the ninth and tenth "Culture Clip" pieces I wrote that [...]

• At August 14, 2008, On the Meaningful, in Quantum Contexts | Beyond School wrote:

  [...] I feel a pull to pull back from the tools, and gravitate more toward meaning when I write. –Web Legacies Wrap-Up, 9 Aug [...]

• At August 16, 2008, Bill Farren wrote:

  Clay: It does seem like many people get the tech and 21st century skills stuff, but unfortunately, that group (those who bounce around the edublogosphere, mostly) is but a very small minority of educators. It's scary how many people in positions to legislate what happens educationally, have absolutely no clue. Their sole goal seems to be, as you say, to perpetuate conventional unwisdoms more efficiently. The unquestioning masses (too often those charged with getting students to think critically) are only too happy to see any measure toward efficiency and novelty as a sign of progress.

  Until schools decide to become places devoted to curiosity, joy, solving real problems, and the fostering of well-being, there will be plenty to write about.

  Keep it coming.

  Bill Farrens last blog post..Myth Busted

• At September 6, 2008, Journeys: Kaleidoscope wrote:

  [...] a need to pull back from the tools, and gravitate more toward meaning when I write." -Clay Burell, Web Legacies Wrap-Up, 9 Aug 2008I began my blog in June, 2007, intending it to serve primarily as an online professional [...]

• At November 23, 2008, Deal, Doyle | Beyond School wrote:

  [...] said Polonius) who uses technology to write about science and education, not about technology (a meaning-focus, not a tools-focus); he’s whacked-out funny and roots-deep serious by turns, thank god; he is [...]

Related posts:

1. Networked Learning Class Reflection 1: Basketball without Borders Project
2. A Belated Reflection on the Students 2.0 Experience
3. Overdrive: That Classroom Blogging Grail, and How Teaching and Grading Obstruct It
4. For the Roses: My Latest Position on Classroom Blogging

Dates: 1976-80 (-present)

Picture a boy growing up in the same home from birth to the end of Junior High at age 15. The friends he made in first grade remain his friends, and his world, for the next nine years. He is blissfully secure in this world, in which nothing social or environmental abruptly changes and everything and everyone is familiar. He academically excels in grade school and in junior high, he plays Little League Baseball, then junior high baseball, basketball, and football.

His teammates are his friends. They are and always have been teammates in life as well as sport: together they begin as shiny boys playing spaceship and avoiding girl-germs during elementary recess; the seasons roll by until, suddenly, their voices crack; they experience an unexpected stirring at their cores until puberty rips from its cocoon like some mad, winged demon and deranges them all; they read the troubling runes of new hair on each others’ bodies as they shower in the locker room after football practice, and they laugh and kid each other to beat back their fears.

The demon drives the boys to haunt the local mall in search of girls. The boy meets a girl from a distant suburb. They exchange phone numbers and spend the next months talking so late into the night that they usually fall asleep with the receivers next to their ears. They see each other at the mall on weekends only occasionally. It doesn’t matter: the conversations intoxicate them for months. Then he—or she, it doesn’t matter—meets someone else and life goes on. The break-up doesn’t hurt.

It doesn’t hurt because the boy, though he doesn’t realize it, is blessed. Yes, he is backing into the future with no view of the road ahead, and it’s unsettling. But his friends are doing the same, and they are all there for each other. Their camaraderie steadies them, like soldiers joking in the trenches, knowing that, at any minute, the order to charge the enemy lines will come.

That order comes when the boy’s family decides that it is in the boy’s best interests to move to a new community in order to go to an all-white school, rather than the desegregated, predominantly ‘black’ school he is currently zoned for. The boy dutifully packs his belongings—his comic books, his varsity jacket, his “Most Popular” award from junior high graduation—and unpacks them in his new bedroom in the suburbs.

The only person he knows in his new community is the girl from the mall. It has been years since they have spoken.

Summer football practice begins two weeks before he starts classes at his new school. He signs up. He doesn’t know a soul. But on the first day he sees the first girl-friend’s best friend and she is excited to hear that he is joining their school.

Football practice poses problems for him. He has never been a new kid. He has never had to introduce himself to others. He knows nothing about the rituals involved in gaining acceptance to a group. Somehow neither his parents nor his school equipped him for this. So he does nothing, expecting acceptance to just happen.

He doesn’t understand why an upperclassman walks by him before practice and throws such a powerful roundhouse punch to his shoulder that it immediately forms a knot. The boy has observed that the attacker, the fierce star line-backer on the team who always has a lower lip swollen with snuff, is very popular. And that this line-backer seems to be the best friend of the other team star, who is held in almost godlike esteem by all the players for his bodybuilder’s massive, well-sculpted frame, for his two State Championships in wrestling, and his two state records in football rushing yardage—all while a freshman and sophomore. This god is now only a junior, so he has not one but two years remaining at the school to add to his miraculous record. The boy, having come from his old school, which ends at junior high and has no high school, has never seen or known that high school boys could look so much like grown men. He still feels like a boy himself. He has no script for dealing with this new social breed, the high school upper-classman.

So when the god, muscles bulging and lip trollishly stuffed with tobacco (the disfiguration of the face from this was a new visual experience for the boy, and it triggered gene-deep fears) approaches him in the locker room and says with no smile so you’re the new guy, the boy says yes and offers his hand and gives his name. The god looks at the boy’s hand and back into the boy’s eyes and offers no hand in reply. The boy doesn’t understand what is happening but he begins to fathom that it is not good.

The god says I hear you know my girlfriend. The boy doesn’t like the god’s slow, deep, emotionless drawl. The boy says and who would that be. The god pierces him with a gaze strangely menacing and pronounces his girlfriend’s name. It is the name of the girl from the mall that the boy had known in sixth grade. The god gazes deeper into the boy’s eyes as he pauses for effect. Then he says, and I don’t like you, faggot, and walks away. The boy watches him go, and notices that all the rest of the team has stopped to watch this encounter. They all look at him with the same impassive expressions as the god. At that instant, inside the boy a new cocoon breaks and a new demon emerges. It will fill his high school years with one ceaseless chant: Escape. Escape. Escape.

The boy doesn’t quit the football team. Nor does the football team quit sucker-punching and insulting the boy—except for one player, a wrestler and student council member who the boy would learn many years later was gay. This player treats the boy kindly. But he cannot help the boy. The boy is too busy over the next two years with his daily strategizing for survival: how to pass from class to class without crossing the athletes’ turf in order to avoid the choruses of faggot they would hoot. How to disguise his depression and act normal when girls he likes try to get to know him. How to prove himself to the football coach he overhears at practice telling the one friendly teammate, who had nominated the boy for a position, you know that boy doesn’t want to play football, and saying this in the midst of a huddle of almost the entire team. How to care about geometry. How to care about his sudden decline to a C and D student. How to skip school. How to find the students who sell pot and quaaludes. Whether to fight the group of tens calling him faggot every day. How he can alter his face by maybe paying someone to pummel the prettiness out of it. How to find an adult who can help (he never does). How to express himself in art class with a block print of a boy hanging from a noose. For which he earns a B, and teacher feedback suggesting how he can improve his technique, and praise for the print’s title: Escape, Escape, Escape.

Where are the boy’s parents? They are working more hours than ever in his life because the economy has taken a downturn due to the OPEC oil embargo. Interest rates for home-buyers have skyrocketed, his father’s real-estate sales have dried up and threatened the family with foreclosure on and loss of their new home in a safe suburb with all white students. One day, however, the boy’s father seems to get wind of the boy’s troubles, and pulls him aside and offers his solution: we’ll just go up there together and whip those boys’ tails. This was a noble possibility in the time of Odysseus and his son, but the boy is not interested—there are dozens of them, and there are laws against such things too.

“Self-medication” and a few unpopular country-boy friends get the boy through the first two years at the school, and the god graduates. Maybe the final year will be easier.

It is, somewhat. The god’s devotees in his class are still around to carry on the tradition, but the boy is not so scared of them. One day he picks a fight with one of them in the cafeteria. After his suspension ends, the boy returns to school and the best friend of the guy he fought invites the boy to join the jocks at lunch. The jock means it. All of his group seconds the invitation. The boy realizes that this must have been the ritualistic key to acceptance from the start. But he hates these boys now, and their type. He declines that sick ceremony. He also decides against playing sports with these fools his senior year.

In the first month of his senior year the guidance counselor holds a transitional session with the boy. The counselor congratulates the boy for scoring the highest SAT score of all the boys in his class, but regrets the boy’s GPA is in the bottom third of the class. What does that matter, the boy says. Look at my SAT. The counselor explains that GPA is as important for scholarships and admissions into good schools. This is the first the boy has heard of the practical value of the GPA.

It doesn’t matter anyway. The demon has decided the boy’s future. As soon as he graduates, the boy will escape, escape, escape, on a one-way Greyhound bus to Los Angeles and never look back. He will never again live near his family and his friends from childhood.

He will he never again find it easy to like athletes and popular, group-oriented people. He will like the solitaries, the dreamers, the readers, the rebels. He will always, often unfairly, harbor a certain skepticism sometimes bordering on scorn for officials of all stripes and people desiring power. He will always be somewhat aloof and never assume goodwill in others. He will always be uncomfortable in groups, and feel that he never did learn the social skills that other people use to escape that discomfort. Often he will find himself wishing that he had.¹

But he will go on to study, to discover a home in literature and philosophy and history and art and religion and classical and jazz. He will make his way into college, despite his guidance counselor, and even graduate Phi Beta Kappa. He will go on to experiment with his life, to see lands torn by war, to see Michelangelo in Florence, Mahler in Prague. He will kiss Wilde’s tomb in Paris and lay a flower at the graves of Abelard and Heloise. He will play hacky-sack with saffron-robed novices in Laos, swim a species-bridging five-second spiral with four wild dolphins off the coast of New Zealand, hike bamboo forests in Thailand with a simple Buddhist guide who seemed the most perfected human being he’d ever met.

This boy from a respectably middle-class, all-white suburban high school in Tennessee will even go on to trust a few people, though awkwardly.

In his 38th year, he will meet a woman beautiful and intelligent and kind beyond his wildest expectations, and be unable to understand how she could agree the following year to marry someone like him. He will follow her career path and become, like her, a teacher.²

And he will come to understand, late one night in Spain while writing a story about a boy, that he owes it to that boy to always watch over the new student, and the one who doesn’t fit because he is too pretty or she is too large, and the one who doesn’t fight, and the one who doesn’t know how the present shapes the future. And he will try to help them learn what he was never taught.³

The Spanish Moon

—

¹Funny, five years later he has found that comfort, that confidence, that pleasure in good society.
²The marriage ended in benevolent divorce; “irreconcilable difficulties” indeed.
³This was written years before the “My Suicidal High School Years: A Happy Ending Bullying Story” podcast post. It was my first attempt to write the story. I’d change the tone now.

–

*Earlier Years:
Legacy 1: Baptist Childhood
Legacy 2: Comic Books

29 Comments

• At July 30, 2008, Winawer wrote:

  Uh, not much more to say than ... wow.

  Winawers last blog post..Here’s something that’s a little bit more fun.

• At July 30, 2008, Louise Maine wrote:

  Unbelievable... I don't know what else to say except I never fit in (and still don't think I do) but more upsetting to me is how your tale is my son's. He will be starting 9th grade and I fear for him - he has great tech skills but not sports and this is such a small backwards town with not much for non-sports kids to do. I have not decided how I will handle being in the same hallway.

  Students are blessed to have you.

  Louise Maines last blog post..Fast food culture in our schools...

• At July 30, 2008, /gradster(1)/ wrote:

  Speechless. Wait... I think I have something:

  This is absolutely fantastic writing. I don't know how you do it, but you naturally capture my attention and bombard me with your knowledge - which, by the way, is a pleasure to receive. I am glad that we have people like you to learn from, or truly this world would not be as wonderful as it is.

  Wishing I was as eloquent,

  /gradster(1)/

  /gradster(1)/s last blog post..Knight Spent Fighting Crime

• At July 30, 2008, Pat Hensley wrote:

  This was an awesome story. I too, was a victim of bullying, abuse and humiliation during my elementary and junior high school years (by students and a teacher) and I think that experience has made me a better teacher. I keep my eyes out for the students who may need my support and understanding when no one else is there for them. I wrote a blog post a few months ago about the experience: http://loonyhiker.blogspot.com/2008/03/school-revisited.html. Thanks for sharing yours.

  Pat Hensleys last blog post..Be A Pioneer

• At July 30, 2008, Stephen Downes wrote:

  Yeah, that sounds familiar. Nicely written, well stated.

  Stephen Downess last blog post..Help Design the OER Research Network

• At July 30, 2008, Legacy 4: In the Crumbling Temple of the Dead White Males (the College Years) | Beyond School wrote:

  [...] Fear and Trembling: Goodbye to Christianity 2. The Hulk Leads to Hamlet: Reading Despite School 3. Of Jocks and Fags: The High School Bullying [...]

• At July 31, 2008, Barry wrote:

  Clay- Our district has set a summer administrative discussion topic on the "At Risk Student"that we don't know about.". I'm sharing this piece with them, as it is illustrative of a larger issue in our schools as a whole.

  Thanks for sharing. Outstanding writing.

  Barry

  Barrys last blog post..Rigor as Cerebral Weight Lifting

• At July 31, 2008, OLDaily ~ by Stephen Downes wrote:

  [...] this story is played out. Often enough, I would suspect. Clay Burell, Beyond School, July 30, 2008 [Link] [Tags: none] [...]

• At August 3, 2008, Phil wrote:

  Clay,

  My paraphrase of Nietzsche, "What does not kill us, will linger with us forever." Which is a good thing as compassion and empathy ennoble us all. I am sorry for your pain but I envy you the depth of growth. We all need to try to save one child, one day at a time. I too will share this with my teaching colleagues.

• At August 5, 2008, My Suicidal High School Years: A Happy-Ending Bullying Story | Beyond School wrote:

  [...] Update August 2008: If you want a written version of the same story, I did my best here. [...]

• At August 6, 2008, JJ wrote:

  I was searching for something to help me out with my son. He is going into the 7th grade at a Parochial school and having some serious problems on his football team with kids he knew back when he went to public school. They gang up on him, tease him and generally make him feel like he is worthless. The problem is, he loves football. He has to play with these kids if he wants to play, as it is the only league in our area. He has a couple of friends from his current school, but they are now starting to avoid him due to the disease the other kids are causing. His coach is also starting to pretend he doesn't exist, because it is hard to put forth an effort when you are teased incessantly, and the coach ignores everything. The issue is, he really is a great player. Please help, if you have any ideas.

• At August 6, 2008, Clay Burell wrote:

  @JJ: It's hard to help from across the Pacific, and situations like this are tough anyway, with no easy solutions.

  And I'm no therapist.

  Obvious options, none guaranteed, are:

  1. Parents talk to school admin/coach.

  2. Parents involve kid in discussion of how to solve the problem. There's a life lesson here.

  3. Kid stands up against main persecutors, and fights back.

  I wish I could help more. But the point of my post is, growth can come from this stuff. It's just not visible in the short-term.

  Clay Burells last blog post..**Warning .. http:/ is a known spammer . delete this message

• At August 7, 2008, JJ wrote:

  Clay,

  Thanks so much for your advice. We have since talked to the coach and another administrator. The coach acted fairly unconcerned, but the admin. was quite helpful. We found out that others were having problems with these same kids! They are splitting the team and he assured us the "bully" kids would be on a different team. Your story really helped us out. I read it to my son. He felt like he wasn't alone. He felt a sort of relief, I could hear it in his voice.

  So anyway, they are splitting the teams in a few days. My son, after reading your story sacked the QB (main perp) at least 4 times last practice. The coaches cheered, the "bully" kids protested, and my son's friends are all acting normal again. I don't think it is over yet, but it is getting better. I want to thank you again. God/Goddess Bless You, Namaste' ... and a heartfelt hug across the Pacific.

• At August 7, 2008, Clay Burell wrote:

  @JJ,

  Now there's a great solution: sack the QB four times!

  Best news I've heard in a long time. Smiling as I read.

  I hope your son gets many more sacks before the season is over. Sounds like the QB needs to be brought low, to eat some dirt, to take a fall, so he can learn to be good to people.

  Good job on all sides (did the coach ever show any concern? So far, he sounds like a jerk.).

• At August 8, 2008, JJ wrote:

  Well we found out the "split" is going to be Varsity & Junior Varsity. If playing Varsity means you have to put up with jerks like that, then we pass. The QB ate plenty of dirt and another mouthy kid is out of the season all together! I guess his knee cap has moved locations from the front of his knee to the side. I don't think my kid had anything to do with that, but it did get rid of another problem. The bully kid didn't learn anything though, he just moved on to a different kid (also bigger than him) to torment with his cronies. Maybe if he relied on his skill to make himself feel good, instead of putting everyone else down, he'd learn to be good to people. Then again, maybe thats it, he doesn't have much skill, he just trash talks everyone who does. I think the coach knows or is friends with, the parents of that kid, no help is going to come from him anytime soon.

  Anyway, my question is, whatever happened to that "God" you speak of in your story? I'd like to think he married a BIG BURLY woman who bullies him on a daily basis. Ahhh sweet retribution.

  Thanks again! We'll keep you posted on our situation if you'd like. :)

• At August 8, 2008, Clay Burell wrote:

  @JJ, Years later, in the army, another beefy troll chose me as a target. He was about 6'4", by far the tallest giant in the unit.

  By that time, I saw life very differently. At the first sign of aggression from him, I just called him on it. In front of a lot of people, I invited him outside to fight it out. Told him he'd probably win, but he's also have to keep fighting me every time he saw me, because I wanted to be sure I hurt him, because I can't stand people like him. I didn't say it dramatically, but more straighforwardly than anything else. I did explain to him, though, beer in hand as if it was any Friday night conversation, why I would enjoy getting just one good fist into him, no matter how many he landed on me. And I did assure him that I wouldn't rest until I did make him hurt. Then I repeated my invitation to go outside so we could get round one over with.

  It threw him on his heels. He wasn't used to people challenging him back. Apparently, he relied on the cowardice of others to enable him to do this stuff without consequences. He didn't accept my invitation.

  It was partially psychology, but if he'd called me on it, it would have been true, too.

  I guess I'm wishing people would stand up to the quarterback, rather than cede varsity territory to him.

  But that's just me.

  The "god" in my story? Too much. I answer that question in the podcast of the story as I told it to my class. It's linked above, at the end of the post.

  Short version: he married my little sister.

• At August 9, 2008, JJ wrote:

  I don't suppose your little sis is a BIG BURLY woman? J/K :D Weird how life works out like that.

  Anyway, I never really thought about it as "ceding varsity teritory". Interesting point. My kiddo is not big on giving up, so I guess we'll see how it pans out.

  "Beefy Trolls" are around every corner of life. If you can't live with them, challenge them and watch while they retreat back under the bridge. <-- todays lesson? :)

• At August 14, 2008, Clay Burell wrote:

  @JJ, re: your offer to keep us informed here with updates, by all means, yes, please.

• At August 14, 2008, On the Meaningful, in Quantum Contexts | Beyond School wrote:

  [...] Phil seems to want something similar in his context: We all need to try to save one child, one day at a time. I too will share this with my teaching colleagues. [...]

• At August 15, 2008, JJ wrote:

  Hello :)

  Well so far we have been out of football for 3 days. My kiddo sacked their QB and made him fumble the ball and then jumped.. I mean LEAPED onto the ball and was "dog piled" by about 10 kids. I guess the coach told the players that he wanted EVERY PLAYER going after the ball on every play. I don't know if that is normal, but I thought they each had other jobs etc. Anyway, my child and another kid were under the pile, and finally when they all got off of them my sons back had an imprint of a facemask on it (and still does), but according to him he, "didn't fumble the ball". The other kid didn't get up for a while. My son jogged to the sideline to let one of the assistant coaches check it out. Practice was about over and my son - in pain - ran hills and wooped their butts back to the coach. He fell to his knee next to the car. Thats when I got to see the injury. I'm an alt. med. prac. and I checked the extent of the soft tissue damage and looked for signs of internal damage. I didn't trust my own judgement as I was pretty upset, so I took him to a friends clinic, she is a nurse prac. She said to keep him out for at least a week, ice it, etc. But what I want to know is... why didn't they blow a whistle? Or do SOMETHING to stop this. The "dog piling" happened several other times and there were about 7 other kids injured that night. Those coaches, if you can even call them that, are MOE-RONS! We did phone the one assistant coach that we knew a little bit, and he said, "Don't worry, I've got you guy's back". I've got your back? What is this High School? It did make me feel a little better, but weird none the less. It does make me wonder what the coach has to do with all of this mess, and why we have to have someone "get our back".

  So far thats it. No good news yet, but I am enjoying the extra time with my kiddo. He's got quite a sense of humor.

• At August 28, 2008, Your page is now on StumbleUpon! wrote:

  [...] Your page is on StumbleUpon [...]

• At August 28, 2008, John Schwartz wrote:

  I came upon your page on StumbleUpon. What a revelation!!! Your writing is so true to the experience that I could just feel the emotions. In many ways it parallels my son's experiences with bullies. It nearly destroyed him until I finally advised him that, while I would like to beat the hell out of these creeps myself, it would do him no good. When he was ready to do it, he had to stand-up for himself. I also told him that if he were to fight back then he should fight with everything within him and to win! He would get no flak from me if he did that and received discipline in school.

  Of course, that day came, he vanquished his tormentors and was never bullied again.

  Your observation that the present shapes the future is so true.

  Great writing!!!

• At August 28, 2008, Clay Burell wrote:

  Good advice from a good father, I think. Must have been tough.

  Thanks for the kind words.

• At December 2, 2008, The “Gay-Friendly School” Conundrum | Beyond School wrote:

  [...] of you know I was harassed for three years for being perceived as gay at my high school back in the ’70s, so I’m fascinated by [...]

• At August 12, 2009, AJ wrote:

  Clay,

  This is also my story, written in better words. I am a sophmore in high school. I have been bullied, in every grade, by the same few kids. They are the popular kids, the bigger kids, the ones who think they're better.

  In my freshman year, I was bullied every day by the same few kids. I fear this year will be the same. I fear the year after will be the same, and the year after that. It depresses me, it adds so much stress to my day, sometimes I want to cry...but I know in the end I am better than these kids. I don't stoop to their level. Never would I make another person feel as bad as they make me feel.

  And that's what keeps me going through the insults and tirades and shouts of "faggot" and "nerd" and "nobody likes you" and "nobody gives a shit" and "go die". Your story, I have come to realize, is one too often repeated and one that unfortunately often ends in sadness.

• At November 18, 2009, Simon wrote:

  Hi,

  First off, I don't know what to call you here. But that doesn't change the feelings from this. I only read the first part and will read the rest when I'm done my History of China homework. :)

  But I could like fear you anger and then feel mine again too. I can't believe this happened to you too. I always saw you as the jock or atleast the student council kid that everyone likes, but not the "loner kid".

  And I see all these other kids saying that they can relate, but what do you tell them in return? Can you help them get out of a rut? Should we really just hit the jocks? Why not right?

  And I don't really think it's right that other people are trying to advertise their blogs on this. Especially not this post.

• At November 20, 2009, Clay Burell wrote:

  Hi Simon,

  I don't know if I can help or not. But the possibility that people going through it can take comfort in this very happy 40-something saying he's been there too makes it worth the effort.

  In the blog world, we promote each other. The people above aren't "advertising" themselves. I'm sharing what they write with a little tool I added that sends readers of their comments back to their spaces to discover more of each commenter's world if they want to. It's a courtesy, and a beautiful aspect of this world.

  Too bad schools keep you guys stuck in the 1990s.

• At December 18, 2009, RonC wrote:

  My friend posted this link on his facebook is how I found out about this writing. Its really good, I had to face some of it myself in school too. I know how you felt then. Its all true whatever you mentioned here.I don't like the kind of guys you mentioned here due to many personal reasons, anyways I have learned to tackle with these but your writing reminded me of my highschool days again. I can just wish you good luck for future. I just passed out my high school 3 years ago and I am 21.

• At December 18, 2009, Clay Burell wrote:

  Thanks for that Ron, and same to you. All that you read is pretty ancient history now that I'm well into my 40s and very happy, so none of it bothers me now. It's more an interesting story to me than anything emotional (and a story, again, I put out there so that students going through it today will hopefully see that it doesn't last forever and life gets better).

  Anyway, good luck to you. Australia, is it? If so, I was just in Queensland about three weeks ago. First time. Beautiful area.

Related posts:

1. Legacy 5: Human Sacrifice
2. Legacy 1: Fear and Trembling at Camp Joy (or, “Ambivalent Apostasy”)
3. Legacy 2: Reading Despite Teaching (or, How the Hulk Led Me to Hamlet)
4. Legacy 4: In the Crumbling Temple of the Dead White Males (the College Years)

1. Stats and rankings seem increasingly insidious to me. The more we value them, the more prone we are to follow the path of Fox News in a race to the bottom, for the sake of pushing our stats to the top. Dylan said it well in “Idiot Wind”:

Now everything’s a little upside down
As a matter of fact, the wheels have stopped.
What’s good is bad, what’s bad is good,
You’ll find out when you reach the top
You’re on the bottom.

(–On a personal note, I’ll share that the unexpected and completely surprising rise of this blog’s readership over the past few months has tempted me more than once to publish posts that now embarrass me. I wanted more “fame,” which is a ridiculously overblown term for such a small niche in the web. I’m going to keep my Technorati widget, because the connectivity it provides is good; but I’m going to remove the reactions rating.)

2. To insist that we know better than others because we’re “trained professionals” is dangerous. Lobotomists used that argument in the ’50s and ’60s, and blood-letters before them. Readers of Pink’s A Whole New Mind, regardless of their views of the book, may remember reading that today’s physicians are being trained, as “professionals,” to learn how to listen to their patients. The web has made it possible for us to listen to our own customers – students – in a manner unparalleled in history. To insist we’re professionals, with drop-out rates soaring and basic educational knowledge and skills plummeting, is a flimsy argument against listening to students who care enough to add their voices.

3. Speaking of physicians, these lines from the Hippocratic Oath seem applicable to educators – sheesh, to people generally – as well as to doctors:

I will prescribe regimens for the good of my patients according to my ability and my judgment and never do harm to anyone.
I will preserve the purity of my life and my arts. . . .
In every house where I come I will enter only for the good of my patients, keeping myself far from all intentional ill-doing and all seduction. . . .
All that may come to my knowledge in the exercise of my profession or in daily commerce with men, which ought not to be spread abroad, I will keep secret and will never reveal.
If I keep this oath faithfully, may I enjoy my life and practice my art, respected by all men and in all times; but if I swerve from it or violate it, may the reverse be my lot.

4. We can talk about controversial ideas without mentioning individuals.

That’s all I’ve got for now. Here’s to diplomacy and openness.

11 Comments

• At July 14, 2008, diane wrote:

  Some of the comments I read online veer dangerously close to cyber bullying. The anger and derogatory tone linger long after the precipitating issue is forgotten.

  NECC was a shining opportunity for me to meet, in person, members of my PLN. Those I had grown close to via online interaction were, without exception, a pleasure to spend time with.

  When I encountered people who were virtual "acquaintances" I could gauge their interest in conversing by observing, body language, visual and auditory cues. That, of course, is missing in a totally digital relationship. The wrong word at at stressful moment can't be recalled or totally erased when it enters cyberspace.

  Computers have simultaneously enlarged and narrowed our vision. It's a point we need to keep in mind while flinging our thoughts out for all who care to read them.

  dianes last blog post..Where in the World? Part 2

• At July 14, 2008, Cathy Nelson wrote:

  WELL SAID Diane!! I love your ways with words.

  Cathy Nelsons last blog post..Survey says…results shared

• At July 14, 2008, Cathy Nelson wrote:

  "Praise locally, criticize globally."

  Said by Doug Johnson

  Blue Skunk Blog

  Cathy Nelsons last blog post..Survey says…results shared

• At July 14, 2008, Ken Allan wrote:

  Kia ora Diane

  I so agree with your line "computers have simultaneously enlarged and narrowed our vision." It is applicable to many other aspects of their use. But the dimension-narrowing in communication in particular is one that society has had ample opportunity to explore, long before computers came on the scene.

  It is simply a matter of scale.

  Writing letters is a singularly narrow means of communication, but it is interactive and it gives opportunity for many to explore the same vagaries of lack of vocal expression, facial expression, tempo and body language, as in digital communication.

  Publishing books and newspapers brings opportunity for these perpetrations to a wider audience and to some extent match the communication breadth of Web 1.0 Internet, at least in order of magnitude.

  There is nothing new with this in Web 2.0 except for the opportunity for open discussion to take place 24/7 in a public arena of prodigious size.

  Ka kite

  Ken Allans last blog post..A Message from Middle-earth on ItCanSay

• At July 14, 2008, Pat Hensley wrote:

  I'll be honest - I don't understand the personal attacks. I think that it is okay to disagree with others on issues and debate about them (that's the fun of the conversation!) but to attack someone because you disagree with their views is just immature behavior. I don't think it is diplomacy as much as it is just sensible mature grown up behavior. We have a policy in our house that our kids grew up with and we try to model this constantly: If you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all. This policy is also followed in my classroom. Why can't grownups act like grownups? Thanks for a great post!

• At July 14, 2008, Andrew wrote:

  Thank you for encouraging others to discuss issues in a civil manner. We need the free exchange of ideas in order to improve our community. Local, national, global, and virtual...

  Most of us have at least two (hundred) reflective moments of, "Oh crap, did I really say that?" Good parents and teachers correct those faults and lead us to reflection without belittling the individual.

  Well done.

  Andrews last blog post..Obama-Care Versus McCain-Care

• At July 21, 2008, The Jose Vilson — Short Notes: Vale La Pena (It’s Worth The Sorrow) wrote:

  [...] got to thinking about that because of this last post by Clay Burell that resonated with me a bit. Yes, it’s about the edublogosphere and how people care too much [...]

• At July 22, 2008, Tracy Rosen wrote:

  It begs the question - why do we blog?

  I blog because it helps me to think.

  And it offers the added bonus of getting input on my thought processes from others - in writing so I can look back and reflect.

  If I ever start to forget about why I blog I hope that I can at least remember some of what you have written here.

  Tracy

  ps - I use the same template for my class blogs - how did you get the translation bits at the top to stop sliding down the side?

  Tracy Rosens last blog post..I unlocked the key to Mysql and Php :)

• At July 22, 2008, Clay Burell wrote:

  @Tracy, your comments about why you blog really hit home. That's how I used to feel about it, and wish I still did - and how I'm trying to feel again by doing some mental hygiene to get back to basics.

  Thanks for the comments, all.

  I fantasize that people who race to the bottom for stats get waves of comments calling them on it. It's amazing how little we see that happen.

• At July 22, 2008, Clay Burell wrote:

  @Tracy, I never had the sliding translator feature. Sure you're not talking about a theme other than Widejournal - maybe hyperreal?

• At July 23, 2008, Tracy Rosen wrote:

  You're right --> © 2007 Miss Rosen’s Classroom. Powered by Wordpress wearing MyJournal Hypereal

  They both look quite similar! Maybe I'll do a switch then, the sliding is annoying.

  (ps - that's another reason I blog, to play with blog design. Satisfies my need to play with visuals AND write...amazing )

  Tracy Rosens last blog post..I unlocked the key to Mysql and Php :)

No related posts.

I received this comment recently on my podcast post, “My Suicidal High School Years: A Happy Ending Bullying Story.” The comment is from a teen named Jack, who is experiencing now what I experienced 30 years ago. I’m sharing it because it’s evidence that the meme I’m about to propose – voluntary, as usual – could have more social value than the bevy of “Stop Bullying!” messages we most often see in response to this ugly subject. Here’s Jack:

Clay,

I googled bullying stories because I wanted something to help me through troubles that I am currently facing in ninth grade. “Stop bullying!” sites really didn’t help me. This was just the kind of story I was looking for. I get called names feverishly because I didn’t make the best impression first semester. I try not to care what other people think of me but it feels like I am always watching my back.

Anyways, this story was very interesting indeed. Thanks a lot for sharing. It helped substantially. [Emphasis added.]

I’ve already thanked Jack, but I want to thank him again. He confirms that for him, at least, “Stop Bullying” messages may be nice and all, but they don’t do much to comfort those trying to cope with being bullied.

I’m not saying anti-anything messages have no positive value. I’m just saying they often fail to help the victims of the thing being opposed. Telling bullies not to bully may be worth the effort, though it’s apparently predicated on the dubious belief that it’s effective to appeal to the compassionate side of bullies, who in my experience have almost always been a pretty heartless bunch. Bullies enjoy psycho-social benefits from bullying – profits, in a sense – in the same way arms dealers do from selling weapons. Appeals to delicate instincts require delicate audiences, and delicacy is a thing usually absent from these hardened types.

But as Jack testifies, just hearing Bullied Success Stories – that survival is worth it and life gets better? That’s a speech-act worth performing.

So the Meme: Share Your “Bullied Then, Successful Now” Stories

I did it in my podcast, a 30 minute story – literally, a story – of my experience of three years of bullying in high school. It’s actually just an mp3 of the class session in which I told the story to my students (there was bullying going on in that grade). I just fired up GarageBand and recorded it as I shared it with my class.

That’s one way to do it. Other ways:

• a blog post
• a webcam video
• a Skypecast
• a Comic Life or photo-essay
• a VoiceThread
• [your idea here]

If none of those work for you, but you have a story to tell, you can also leave a comment or drop me an email volunteering for a Skype conference call, where we can take more of a group story-telling session. I can do the editing and turn it into a podcast.

I hope this makes sense to you. It does to me. Jack’s comment strengthened my belief that, short of somehow stopping bullying – and come on, it’s been with us as long as war – one of the most helpful things we can do is offer ourselves, and our stories, as living proof that the nightmare can be survived, and this dream called life can become sweeter as it moves into adulthood.

I often throw dreamy ideas like this out on this blog, and they land with a thud. This one seems a likely candidate as the latest in that series. But I hope not. My bullying podcast gets a surprising number of visits from people googling “real life bullying stories” and such, and it gets downloaded quite a bit too.

So there is a need.

And instead of putting more energy into “stop bullying” sermons (which I’m not saying we should stop), we can maybe devote it to stories of hope.

I know it’s a busy time, so if you can only get around to it later – this summer, even – that’s fine. Just link here whenever it’s done. If we get enough of these, we can make a permanent site for them on a wiki, or even a dedicated blog.

And by the way: this offer is open to any students out there with anything to say as well. I’d love to host a Skype conference call about this topic.

Photo: Locker by Steven Fernandez

34 Comments

• At May 10, 2008, oreneta wrote:

  I came across this blog today, and if you click on the "my story" link, about his experiences growing up....I think it might fit the bill.

  This is an absolutely fantastic meme.

  orenetas last blog post..Oreneta aground

• At May 10, 2008, Linda wrote:

  Clay,

  I will be writing my own bully story on my blog.

  I will link to you when I post it. Having gone through it as well, it makes me a defender of the victim, be it student, teacher, or fellow member of our PLN. I am highly sensitive to the earmarks of bully behavior. It makes me outrageously angry that people still "give this behavior a pass".

  Lindas last blog post..Saint Cyberus, Patron Saint of the Internet

• At May 10, 2008, Clay Burell wrote:

  Thanks both. @Oreneta, there's no link in your comment to the site you referenced. One more time?

• At May 10, 2008, Rodd Lucier wrote:

  Clay,

  I heard your story a few weeks ago, and though I was moved, it wasn't until I read today's post that I felt compelled to act. Your story brought back memories for me that frankly, I'd rather have let lie dormant. I agree that stories of survival can be empowering, and look forward to sharing some thoughts and personal experiences in an upcoming podcast. I'll be sure to link back to this post where I suspect your meme will find plenty of company...

  Rodd Luciers last blog post..Fore Great Things about Golf!

• At May 10, 2008, Linda Bilak’ Blog » Bullied then, successful now. wrote:

  [...] there is an audience for the stories that we all have hidden. He has asked for us to create a thoughtful meme of our tales.  We have them, many of us, in our past.  They are there still like a scar from [...]

• At May 10, 2008, Pat Hensley wrote:

  I wrote about how I was bullied by an elementary school teacher adn then a gang when I was in Jr. High in my my personal blog: http://loonyhiker.blogspot.com/2008/03/school-revisited.html

  I believe this is what inspired me to become a teacher because I know what to look for and can understand how students feel when bullied. Thanks for bringing this out in the open because I think many educators have their own story to tell.

  Pat Hensleys last blog post..Useful Information In and Out of the Classroom 05/09/08

• At May 10, 2008, oreneta wrote:

  I do that ALL the time...sorry, let me get the link...

  here it is...

  http://jason-thejasonshow.blogspot.com/

  I have linked to your site and also asked people to send in stories, hopefully some folks will.

  orenetas last blog post..A lifted post

• At May 11, 2008, diane wrote:

  Clay,

  As always, thanks for getting me to reflect and respond.

  http://tinyurl.com/5wbuqw

  diane

  dianes last blog post..A Meaningful Meme: Bullying

• At May 11, 2008, My bullying success story. « Mild Opinons wrote:

  [...] bullying success story. Through the usual maze of the Internet, I wound up at a post on the Beyond School blog in which Clay Burell proposes a new internet meme. Not many people read this blog, so [...]

• At May 11, 2008, Arthus Erea wrote:

  Since I'm still in high school, I can't exactly talk about "successful now" since I'm still in the "bullied then" time...

  That being said, I'd be interested to participate in a Skype conversation.

  Arthus Ereas last blog post..Review of AJAX and PHP: Building Responsive Web Applications

• At May 11, 2008, Linda wrote:

  Clay,

  While I haven't discussed this much as an adult, the comments are very therapeutic.

  Lindas last blog post..Bullied then, successful now.

• At May 11, 2008, Charlie A. Roy wrote:

  @Clay

  I listened to your podcast again this morning and I agree with most of the commenters that it is a powerful way to help those in a similar situation. My question is what programs or tactics actually work to stop bullying? I've been a dean, grade school, and high school principal and I've yet to find a program that is completely effective. Any thoughts or any thoughts from your readers on programs that actually work?

  Charlie A. Roys last blog post..Grades, grades, and more grades!

• At May 11, 2008, Clay Burell wrote:

  @All: Thanks so much for cooperating.

  I want to urge everyone to read the trackback post, "My Bullying Success Story," on Mild Opinions above.

  What I love about that post is the tone. It's not maudlin or depressing, is very well-written, and reflects on the experience with a dash of humor that speaks volumes about how "over it" we can be after entering the adult world, and enjoying the freedom to find others like us and avoid the idiots we were forced to mix with daily in the 12-year-incarceration called "school."

  @Charlie,

  I'm curious to hear feedback on your question too, and welcome input in further comments. At the same time, I think there's a "bevy" of sites with information about how to stop bullying, and some of them surely give good guidance in that effort.

  My focus here is, again (and I see you acknowledge your understanding of this, so it's not like I'm saying you don't get it), is: Let's just give a human face to adults who are so over those rough years by telling our stories to the students who are still in the thick of them. (I keep thinking video would be more effective for this one!)

  Thanks again, all.

  Clay Burells last blog post..Meaningful Meme: Your “Bullied Then, Successful Now” Stories

• At May 11, 2008, Joon wrote:

  I heard your story.

  It's surprising how many people in this world are just followers....

  I hope I am not being a hypocrite.

• At May 12, 2008, Clay Burell wrote:

  @All,

  Until Ben Bleckley's trackback propagates, I want to just post a link to his contribution to this project. Charlie, I think you'll want to probe Bill for more information after reading it (and my comment there).

  So here's the link to Ben's post.

  Thanks for that, Ben. And let me know if you want to try that ftp thing :)

  @Arthus: Amazing. Had no idea. I'll let you know when that skypecast is being planned.

• At May 12, 2008, Sarah wrote:

  I don't have anything major to share from personal experience--I was bullied during my growing up years by some rock-throwing lugs on the walk home from school, but I was a big time tattler, so they moved on after a few days, hurling a "baby can't take it, gonna tell her mommy" as they left. Yep, I sure was gonna tell. I still remember the shaky, terrified feeling though.

  I read an article recently saying that bullying was an addictive behavior, and that bullies literally got a "high" from their actions. In other words, reason or appealing to their "other side" isn't going to work in stopping them. I firmly believe this.

  In my experience with middle school girls, the bullying is subtle and hard to catch or punish. It's more about what they don't do rather than what they do (ie--not sitting with someone, not talking to them, not making them one of your IM buddies). I make my classroom open during free times for students to come in and hang out. I give extra credit for decorating a bulletin board, tidying supplies, etc. This gives the girls who aren't quite ready to hang with the peers yet a safe place to go.

  I believe that the difference between a tough experience and a permanently damaging one is having one or two people in the victim's life to whom they feel connected and whom they know understands them and cares about them.

• At May 12, 2008, Charlie A. Roy wrote:

  http://youtube.com/watch?v=hHBOMuONSWA&feature=user

  thought you might like this. It is from a student of mine. Ties into the whole bullying dilemma and allowing students to be who they want to be not the masks they put on. A little dark for my taste but powerful.

  Charlie A. Roys last blog post..Early Exams? To grant or not to grant?

• At May 12, 2008, Ben Bleckley wrote:

  Clay,

  Great meme - this is the reason I teach. My story is posted here.

  Thanks for posting the trackback, I tried to post this last night, but my computer has a nasty habit of crashing randomly. Thank you Firefox for "Restore Previous Session"

  @Charlie: I have very little classroom experience, so please take my thoughts with a very large grain of salt. I believe the best way to deter bullying is through careful classroom community building. Getting everyone to really know each other, I think, makes a big difference. I had a professor in college at Colorado State University, Terry Denniston, who unfortunately doesn't blog, but might be willing to do a phone call. I also did some professional development at Fort Collins High School, and there's a science teacher there whose name I don't remember, but he teaches a joint class of students with special needs and general students where he spends the first month or so on classroom community building. He also, to my knowledge, does not have a blog, but would probably be willing to talk about that kind of stuff. Shoot me an e-mail if you want to talk more and I can try to track down some e-mail addresses or phone numbers. Or maybe you've tried this and it doesn't quite do the trick - either way, I would be interested in your insights. benbleckley at gmail

  Ben Bleckleys last blog post..Bullied Then, Successful Now

• At May 12, 2008, Rodd Lucier wrote:

  Today's Teacher 2.0 Podcast: "Bullied Like You"

  http://media.libsyn.com/media/thecleversheep/teacher66.mp3

  Rodd Luciers last blog post..Take Ownership of Your Identity

• At May 13, 2008, Clay Burell wrote:

  @Rodd, Great podcast. The second entry to identify the BUS as a dangerous place for kids.

  @Ben, Thanks for jumping in.

  @Sarah, Rodd said something similar about simply talking to others - those one or two friends - about the experience. I had a couple of marginalized, independent friends in high school during my own experience, but don't think I was comfortable talking to them about all this (though I'm sure they knew about it) because it was so shameful to talk about the name-calling and public humiliation, etc. Just hanging out with them was definitely good, though. (It's not like it was a 24/7 torment anyway - maybe because these friends were there to take the mind off it.)

  An interesting question I see emerging is: Is it better to bring things to a head by standing up to it early? Or can that backfire?

  As I say in my podcast, when I finally did get in a fistfight in the cafeteria with a guy about my physical equal - and he started it with a sucker-punch to my jaw with no warning - that changed things for the better ever after. BUT: I got suspended, along with the instigator. IF I'd had the first thought about college applications (which, being way too distracted by the miseries, I didn't), that suspension could have had horrible effects on my college admissions hopes.

  So it's a complicated question, isn't it?

  I like your open door policy, Sarah. It's always good for those who need a place to feel liked, safe, and welcome.

• At May 13, 2008, John Larkin wrote:

  Hi Clay,

  Nice idea. One day I would like to write a book about an experience in my life. Sure, there was some bullying as a kid at high school but that was reasonably conventional. The most challenging bullying experience of my life was as an adult. Not that long ago.

  An employer bullied me. I could write a volume about what happened.

  I have hinted at it here and there in my blog posts and comments across the education network out there. I had been on a quite a high following some academic and professional success in the nineties. Several national and shared international awards.

  Anyway, I found myself with this company... words fail me just now. Myself and other colleagues were not always paid, we were overworked, understaffed and mistreated. Working from 6 in the morning till after midnight. I started suffering severe anxiety and depression. Could not sleep, showered all hours of the night (trying to rid myself of the dread that was washing all over me), considered climbing over the railing of a 9th floor balcony, lost all of my self esteem. Began questioning my self worth and value. Negative self talk.

  Collapsed on the way to work, ended up in hospital, more bullying from the boss even at that stage. Resigned. That was a better alternative considering that a severe physical and/or nervous breakdown was the other.

  Sought help to get my life back. Obtained some good professional help. Went on some medication for about six months. Weaned myself off that after some research. I did a lot of reading about what had happened to me. Began the recovery process. I am still on that journey. I always will be on that journey.

  I still have a few acquired mannerisms and habits I have not managed to completely eliminate. Annoys the hell out of me. My students notice it and I tell them the story. Blogging helps. Still building up the self esteem. Still getting better. Lost so much through that experience. Intangible stuff. Hard to describe. There is a deep and significant sadness within me that surfaces from time to time. Those who know me well have seen it. I still haven't quite achieved that moment where I feel I have completely shaken it off. Part of me, a significant part of me, was ripped out of my soul and psyche and I still have not recovered all of it.

  Professionally, the work at ICUS eLearning, Nanyang Technological University and the PD workshops that I give have helped me to rebuild that which is me to some extents. Some of my present colleagues and students have helped as well.

  One day I will write about it in more detail. Why it happened. I know the story will save others a lot of grief. I have shared the story with the parents and students at school. That was liberating. Generated tears and smiles both on and off the stage. I do not worry about what others think, on this topic at least. It needs to get out there.

  Well. Here I am commenting on your blog. How legendary is that Clay? Two teachers, miles apart, yet with so much in common. I guess you have probably now figured out why I consider Nick Cave's album, The Boatman Calls, to be my favourite.

  Your blog is part of the recovery process as well Clay. Thank you.

  Cheers, John. ^_^

• At May 13, 2008, Clay Burell wrote:

  John,

  I don't know why, but I think of Leonard Cohen's

  Ring the bells

  that still can ring.

  Forget

  your perfect offerings.

  There is a crack

  in everything -

  That's how the light gets in.

  And of Aeschylus's choral refrain from the Oresteia, our oldest complete Greek tragedy, if memory serves, which has stuck with me since my first read of it at 20, in 1982:

  For Zeus the Helmsman lays it down as Law,

  that we must suffer,

  suffer,

  suffer -

  into Truth.

  The Cohen and the Aeschylus combined point to something worth pointing at, in my book.

  I'm so enjoying getting to know you in all the ways we're doing that. Here's to sharing a cold beverage at a nice outdoor table some surprising future day.

  Clay

• At May 13, 2008, Clay Burell wrote:

  By the way, John - I forgot to add: Please return serve with whatever verses from the Boatman's Call that do it for you.

  It's probably my favorite too: "People Ain't No Good" and "Into My Arms" especially come to mind.

• At May 14, 2008, Bullying - two viewpoints. « SpeakEasy in Mons wrote:

  [...] the usual maze of the Internet, I wound up at a post on the Beyond School blog in which Clay Burell proposes a new internet meme. Not many people read this blog, so I’m [...]

• At May 14, 2008, Clay Burell wrote:

  Just a note: The trackback above to "Bullying - Two Viewpoints" has a very interesting suggestion of how bullying should be dealt with in schools. I left my thoughts in a comment there. I thought it was worth a read for its naturalistic and zoological point of view. Being mammals, after all, we shouldn't find the zoological viewpoint that far-fetched.

  Clay Burells last blog post..The Most Important Edu Website I Know: Education for Well-Being Strikes Again

• At May 14, 2008, diane wrote:

  Linda & Pat,

  In my experience, it is more often girls than boys that are bullied, both f2f and online. Sometimes it is subtle, a variation on the social shunning that Linda experienced, sometimes it is as horrific as the beating Pat describes.

  No matter the level of intensity, it is always traumatic. Some emerge stronger, as these ladies did, but others are damaged or destroyed.

  You have each transformed a very negative series of events into a personal mandate for change. I honor your refusal to let bullies destroy your lives or the lives of others.

  diane

  dianes last blog post..She Never Existed Before: Mother's Day 2008

• At May 15, 2008, a victim's mum wrote:

  I'd love to be able to share a story of 'bullied then, fine now' or even to use my everyday internet persona. I won't because this isn't about me. My daughter was bullied at school on and off from the age of 7 right through school. Mostly about her dyslexia and her weight. She was never fat or stupid and even if she had been what gave them that right? Margaret Attood's book Cats Eyes gives a glimpse of the sort of things sweet little girls inflict on their victims. She's in her 20s now. She had her first breakdown at 18, she's had two periods in hospital since then. She swings between total depression, feelings of worthlessness and violent over reactions to anything that might for a moment be a threat. The damage seems irrevocable.

• At May 15, 2008, Linda wrote:

  @a victim's mum I am so sorry your daughter went through that.Made my heart ache to read that.

  Lindas last blog post..Bullied then, successful now.

• At May 16, 2008, Paul C wrote:

  Hi Clay,

  Meaningful meme. I reflected on it on my site and referred to a recent University of Toronto study of cyberbullying.

  Best regards

  Paul Cs last blog post..Bullied Then; Successful Now

• At May 17, 2008, Web 2.0: Designs in Education: Using stories to cope with bullying wrote:

  [...] School uses the digital story method in an effective way to deal with bullying in school. His post "Meaningful Meme: Your “Bullied Then, Successful Now Stories" provides his own story of being bullied in high school. Posted by Mike Frerichs at 6:01 AM [...]

• At May 17, 2008, Journeys: A Meaningful Meme: Bullying wrote:

  [...] stanislaus is beaten by his brother" by antmooseClay Burell has once again challenged bloggers to think, respond, and make a difference.In "A Meaningful Meme: [...]

• At May 17, 2008, Bullying then… wrote:

  [...] days back Clay Burell began a meme, Bullying then, Successful Now. I responded with a comment on Clay’s blog. I recounted an experience that still impacts upon [...]

• At May 17, 2008, John Larkin wrote:

  Clay, thank you for the response. You were spot on with the reference to "People Ain't No Good" and "Into My Arms" by Nick Cave. Aeschylus' words ring true as well.

  One thing the whole experience taught me was that life is a lot more important than work. I often make reference to slowing down, relaxing and taking it easy in my comments elsewhere and in my blog. I see other bloggers out there who I feel are working way too hard.

  I remember the morning I rang some one for help back then. I introduced myself and simply said, "I have had a traumatic experience". That was exactly what I felt.

  I have posted the Nick Cave lyrics on my own blog here.

  http://blog.larkin.net.au/2008/05/17/bullying-then/

  Did not want to crowd out the comments on this page.

  Cheers, John.

• At July 11, 2008, quoteflections: Bullied Then; Successful Now wrote:

  [...] of parents thought their child would tell them about bullying but only 8% who were bullied didClay Burell in Beyond School reflects on the two years of bullying he received in high school. He created a 30 minute podcast [...]

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