My Suicidal High School Years: A Happy-Ending Bullying Story

“the bully” by O Pish Posh on Flickr CC[Update 2: I’ve copied Stephen Downes’ comments about this post, and my own response to them, in the comments, if anybody is interested.]

[Update: I’ve added the podcast to my Teaching Gallery page, in case you come across a student who might benefit by listening in the future.]

I was bullied for two years in high school. Every day.

I told the story to my grade 9 class last year - there was some stuff going on in the hallways that made me hope it might help - and recorded it as I told them.

And I thought, in the spirit of this season of good will, that I would share that story here. Here’s the enhanced podcast for download, with chapters for quick navigation.

But if you want to listen without downloading first, see the bottom of this post.

Most of the bullying content we see online tries to make bullying stop. It’s a nice goal. But this story does things differently.

It’s to the bullied.

It tells them that, for me, over 700 consecutive days of bullying in high school was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. It just took me a couple decades to realize that. This does not mean those two decades were bad.

The audio quality is bad. Sorry about that. But I think you can hear it anyway.

It’s about 30 minutes long. My students still talk about it, a year later. And I’ve shared it with a few new acquaintances of mine recently - you may be reading some of them - and one of them said it was “as worth sharing as all the other drivel you read on edublogs out there.” (I loved that. And relax - it was a joke.)

It is a story. I tried to tell it well. And there are more than a few laughs along the way.

Call it my “Christmas Carol.” And tuck it away somewhere for that possibly tortured, possibly suicidal student we worry about here and there as teachers, as community leaders, as human beings. It’s really for them, again.

Here it is. Enjoy:

Photo credit: “the bully” by O Pish Posh

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8 Comments

  1. Posted December 17, 2007 at 1:38 am | Permalink

    Clay,

    I hope I never fail any of the students I come in contact with the way that your teachers failed you.

    Yes, you emerged from the experience a stronger person, but at what cost?

    And how many weaker students are negatively affected for a lifetime because of similar experiences with which they’re unequipped to cope?

    Sobering story which is not, I’m afraid, unique.

    It would be nice to think that the bullies you encountered either reformed or met some dire and fitting end. But they’re probably still creating misery in the world.

    The fact that you can share this experience demonstrates your power as an individual.

    Have the good life you deserve, my friend.

    diane

    diane

  2. Clay Burell
    Posted December 17, 2007 at 2:05 am | Permalink

    I really wouldn’t change a day of my life, Diane. Whatever cost was incurred was totally worth it.

    And maybe some might be “negatively affected for a lifetime” - but who’s to ever know? Sometimes lessons may take decades to learn?

  3. Posted December 17, 2007 at 9:09 pm | Permalink

    Clay,

    I woke up extraordinarily early today and sat down at my machine, fired up my Reader and noticed the familiar “1″ next to Beyond School.

    This was anything but familiar, but so very welcomed. In light of the recent spate of these type tales making national and international media, and in thinking about how to make a positive impact on how people become digital citizens, this story becomes a resource.

    Thanks for sharing this one with the world at large; I hope your students realize how your path, although far from the norm, and far from over, has shaped who you have become.

    Have a great holiday.

  4. Posted December 18, 2007 at 12:47 pm | Permalink

    Clay, there are many of us who were bullied during our teen years. Like you, I spent most of my youth enduring the torments of those who thought it was great fun to make my life miserable. Many years later, I too look at it as being the base for what helped me achieve and do what I do. Eradicating bullying would be wonderful but, like you, I know that will not happen. Instead, I try to give students the necessary skills to deal with what is going on and help them through this time. I also work with those who bully, trying to help them see what they are doing to others. Because there is so much outside of school that affects youth, anything that will help them to discover the good in themselves is a service that we need to give them.
    Today, I realize it wasn’t the fault of the teachers, the parents or, really, even the bullies. I’ve learned that I am responsible for myself in all ways. It has helped me to deal with life without blaming others and pointing fingers at circumstances. It doesn’t bring about solutions. It also helps me to deal with the incredible situations that come across my administrative desk, making me see each as a situation of human interaction instead of a problem that needs to be solved. Like you, I wouldn’t change a day in my life. I like whom I’ve become!

  5. Posted December 18, 2007 at 12:53 pm | Permalink

    Stephen Downes wrote what I consider a surprisingly off-the-mark characterization of both my message and my intent, so I paste it here below, and then my reply afterwards. Stephen writes:

    “I was bullied for two years in high school. Every day,” writes Clay Burrell [sic]. “But this story does things differently. It’s to the bullied. It tells them that, for me, over 700 consecutive days of bullying in high school was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. It just took me a couple decades to realize that.” I’m glad Burrell [sic] got past being bullied. I’m happy for him. But his perspective is simply wrong. Being bullied is not a good thing. It’s not something students should simply have to tolerate. It’s not - as Rick Mercer says in his video - enough to say that high school is the worst their lives will get. Because, for people who are bullied, it might not be - it might just be the kick-off to years of fears, depression and anxiety. I’m really glad things worked out for Burrell [sic]. But he must not fall into the fallacy of thinking that every bullied student can just pull himself up by his bootstraps.

    My reply:

    Stephen, you mis-represent my argument here by a surprisingly wide mark.

    I don’t, as you imply, argue against the attempts by others to address the bullies. Nor, if you listen to the actual story, will you hear me advise that it’s something the bullied must “learn to tolerate.”

    Nor do I commit the fallacy of saying “every” bullied student can do anything.

    I told a story of my own experience. Call it a worst-case scenario story: school did nothing, teachers did nothing, students did nothing to stop it (maybe this is actually, in the real world, a typical scenario, actually?). But the experience was a wind onto a sea this ship might not otherwise have sailed.

    Granted, “the best thing” as written above, on reflection, invites the arched eyebrow. At the same time, though, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.

    I could have very easily ended up the popular football player in high school and college, and walked the road most traveled by.

    I truly am thankful that did not happen.

    Like war, bullying is an emotional subject for even the most logical types, so I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised by your reaction; but like war also, simply demanding that bullying must stop does little for the victims of it living and breathing as I type.

    Something tells me they’d get more hope from a simple “I’ve been there, and it was hard, but things turned out all right” than from a million “End Bullying” public service announcements.

    The nice thing is, though, we care enough about this issue to disagree about it. And that I have no problems with.

    Hope you’re well, Stephen.

  6. Posted December 18, 2007 at 1:06 pm | Permalink

    Kelly, it seems like we’re fellow travelers of a sort? Would it be helpful in any way for many adults to share their stories, or no?

  7. jack
    Posted April 12, 2008 at 1:36 pm | Permalink

    Clay,
    I googled bullying stories because I wanted something to help me through troubles that I am currently facing in ninth grade. “Stop bullying!” sites really didn’t help me. This was just the kind of story I was looking for. I get called names feverishly because I didn’t make the best impression first semester. I try not to care what other people think of me but it feels like I am always watching my back.

    Anyways, this story was very interesting indeed. Thanks a lot for sharing. It helped substantially.

  8. Clay Burell
    Posted April 12, 2008 at 2:08 pm | Permalink

    Jack,

    I’m glad it helped and I thank you for taking the time to let me know that.

    If you can download Skype (free internet telephone), I’d love to interview you for a podcast and see what comes during the conversation. Your articulate comment makes me suspect you might be a powerful voice in helping others. You can click “email me” in my sidebar if this idea interests you. We can keep you anonymous if you want it that way.

    Much respect,

    Clay

5 Trackbacks

  1. […] Burrell, Beyond School December 17, 2007 [原文链接] [Tags: Schools, Video, Bullying, Push versus Pull] […]

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  3. […] hate me. I can’t think of one. Other than “Fight bullies early, or suffer them for years.” And “Friendship is pretty important. It gets you through the high school […]

  4. […] in high school, and of defending other people from taunts and attacks long before that. As this (re-posted) podcast shares: […]

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    Kramer auto Pingback[…] “A Meaningful Meme: Your ‘Bullied Then, Successful Now’ Stories” he re-links us to a podcast posting about his personal experiences with bullies and asks readers to share their own stories.To be […]

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